I just had one of those days in your life you just want to forget, I'd had a party and did things I now regret.It seems I have destroyed my reputation in a flash, And now I can't see a way back...
Yours Sincerely, POSOWOCO
Anyone like to see the destruction of a person by their own actions?.
Or want some thoughts to go with losing social respect and dignity?.
Perhaps you are wondering what it is like to become a fallen man?.
Or you just want to see the thoughts and shadows of a serial imposter?.
I woke with a startle and felt for my face
Been lying for hours of time and had no trace
They've all gone and left me alone for the night
Was still in the darkness knew nothing was right?
The glasses around me have been emptied dry
The lights are still burning
As they fought my eyes.
Back in the armchair knowing nothing at all
Remembering faces and the hours to recall
So the night is over and I feel a pain.
I tried to impress them I shouldn't try again
They gave me too much to drink wish I'd had less
My face in the mirror explains "You're just a mess".
Feel all the memories coming right back
Thinking at people despair and attack
And all the white bodies and all the new men
Couldn't put my past together again.
The lights are still burning I am still here
Watching the room now I feel full of fear
I turn around and start to walk to the door
I feel quite heavy - I fall to the floor.
14th July 1979
I wrote this very early poem after yet another dream I had of waking up.
I had spent some time at a party with all of my friends, relatives and colleagues.
I knew something really bad had happened and there I was feeling for my face the morning after.
It was one of those dreams where I didn't really know what I had done wrong.
I now felt like a detached fallen man.
And that there was no way back to the peace of the past.
And that my story had been re-written and reforged for the future.
None of this made much sense at all though.
As I walked towards the door I fell to the floor and everything was silent.