Life One Voluntary Evening
Look at me,
I am writing today along very special lines,
It's what makes my edges so apparent,
The story of my dreamy childhood,
The child is today putting on,
His very special public smile,
For us all to see and admire,
So it's not very hard to see who's fooling who.
A mystery perhaps unfolding,
So very neat and peaceful,
Once that was now turned to a jumbled mess,
Was it hard to accept that the world was now and real?
Opening up to be me,
Could I have seen it in that dark cold playful garage?
What was I to now believe,
In the history of my childhood?
Came home today and played in the woods,
So good sometimes to be a small age,
No horrid deadly thoughts passed through my head,
Just a desire for more fun.
It's time to go in now,
And go to bed,
And let the cinema show begin.
I got up and had breakfast,
and slowly went to school,
In the story of my childhood,
Everything seems so strange on days,
And perhaps I know nothing or everything,
Who will tell me or will I just find out by myself?
In seeing the world unroll unfurl?
Dear sir or madam,
Your current child is trying very hard,
And working sometimes very well,
I hope you will help him along the firing line.
It could have happened perchance on a cold walk home,
One dark evening from a new school,
I could have realised who I was,
Was I ever who I was?
Tea-time was enrichment food time,
After which I knew
I would beg for mercy from the night gods
To bring me peace and closure.
Oh these dreams that hit me,
They knocked me from side to side,
They even took my love and stretched it,
I would pace up and down and then settle down for the evening.
It doesn't seem to make sense to my thought waves,
What was going on again and again?
I couldn't hold onto it then I could,
Riding home with my mind crowd all gathered.
All of me was wanting another chance,
Was I was chosen to be the bringer of madness to earth?
All at once I was standing up from the crowd,
In the history of my childhood,
The love for you my dear grows stronger every day,
It grows longer every time you are away,
We'll keep on working until one day I'll say,
Come take my hand and we'll melt together.
You'll be bound and live with Mark
Why me and why now,
What gifts do I possess or will I possess?
Can they be what I've thought of all these years?
No more internal questions.
They aren't even seeing any sense,
Be away with peace be away with joy,
Fun in the heart and love in the soul.
The years grow shorter now I'm much older,
The peace of Autumn and the heat of summer almost overlap,
When I was small a year was a mighty tack,
A flaming stretch of time and thought.
Now the world is speeding past,
And living is becoming harder for the calm soul,
To make the most of our times and empty spaces,
There is no room for un-enjoyment or cold temperament.
We must use our empty time,
Like a rare mineral,
And sing when we are happy
But still, please the gods.
Hold tight please hold on tight,
Here we go again so turn on the projector,
On our trip to an unknown measure and beat,
I'll always look forward to it though.
I walk one brisk winter morn,
The bitter wind upon a snow-swept town,
Our house is just up the road,
It is good it is blessed and very very clean.
The coldness disappears as we enter the hallway,
Walking to the room of central humanity,
The fire glowing brightly and warm then hot,
A hammer is hammering oh it's my heart again.
I must also hold on for peace we must try,
But we know we've seen it all before,
So this is what my childhood was pointing to,
Those restless nights.
It was no good when the sun became here on earth,
The moon saw no sign that it would start all over again,
Where I did not know?
Our house is long gone but the blessing still there.
The sun had just rose when,
An almighty wave of burning fear hit my dear land,
People wept and never ever wanted to see again,
It was too much trouble and too much to repair.
I'm speaking of course,
From a higher place than home,
I'm talking from my childhood,
I'm back there again.
Here we go once more,
Take your places for the cinema evening ride,
Hold on and stay calm,
In the history of my childhood,
20th July 1981